Internet Marketers And Confessions of an Internet Guru
Written by ady on November 9, 2008 – 10:21 pm -What follows is the imaginary transcript from an imaginary interview I did with top internet guru *Insert Your Favorite Guru Name Here*
Me: I see your latest product launch was this weeks best seller at Clickbank. What’s the secret to selling to us internet marketers?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “Well Ady, I discovered a while back that the best way to sell to internet marketers was to appeal to your greed and laziness. You know the sort of thing, how to make $27 264 a month with just 10 minutes work per week, guaranteed.”
Me: But does that really work, surely we realize in the end and stop buying your products?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “No not really. You see, deep down you already know it can’t possibly work but at the back of all internet marketers minds is the nagging “but what if this one DOES work?” It really is a piece of cake and the hardest part is coming up with an ever more extravagant claim than the other Guru’s.”
Me: So the proof of earnings you show in those videos on your sales pages are false then?
*Insert Guru Name Here* “No not at all, they are just the figures from my last product launch to internet marketers. LOL, it is funny when you think about it, don’t you think? No - Oh well, your sense of humor is obviously different to mine but any way, here’s how it works: Once you’ve got your first product launch under your belt you can show those Clickbank sales as proof your second product about internet markeing works! The second will be better than the first and so on - You are on your way!”
“Hell, I’m on V7 of my “Blog Your Way To Fortunes” video tutorials and my mail list still haven’t figured out it doesn’t work!”
Me: I’m still not grasping the product launch thing. How do you actually get on the ladder? I mean, without a previous product, how do you back up your claims and get it to sell so you reach Guru status?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “You just contact the 14 guru’s that have already reached guru status and tell them if they promote your new product to their list of internet marketers they can have 80% to 90% commission (depending on guru status). They don’t mind as the internet marketers market is plenty big enough for all comers.”
“They will mail their list and get you off to a good start. That gets you the proof of sales you needed to market yourself and gets your name thrown around the forums. After that its easy and when you launch version 2 you don’t need to offer quite as big a cut to the other gurus because you’re not such an unknown any more.”
Me: I see (said the blind man), so your products are crap then?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “No, they just won’t deliver on the promises of the sales letter but deep down you already knew that which is why you never invoke my world famous rock solid 90 day unconditional guarantee.”
“You might find the odd the nugget tossed in there though and if you are (a) one of the lucky ones to spot that nugget and (b) one of the 2% of internet marketers that actually act on information they have paid for, then you will probably be one of the genuine testimonials I have mixed in with my the fake ones on my next launch.”
Me: Excuse me, what do you mean one of the 2%
*Insert Guru Name Here* “Its well known in Guru circles that only 2% of all internet marketers actually act on the info you have sold them. It’s another reason internet marketers don’t jump on my guarantee. After all, how can they honestly say my formula didn’t work if they didn’t try it?”
Me: I guess they couldn’t. Well I’d like to thank you for giving me this interview. What are your plans for the immediate future? Anything out soon?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: I have version 8 of my excellent “Blog Your Way To Fortunes” out next month so any of your readers who for some fault of their own didn’t make a fortune from the previous versions should get on my notification list straight away so I can email them hourly and have them chomping at the bit with credit card in hand by launch time.”
Me: Any chance of a review copy?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “How bigs your list?”
Me: 4 figures.
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “Sorry, no I’m not giving any review copies out at this time but I can do you a 25% discount if you like?”
Me: Is it any good?
*Insert Guru Name Here*: “Just follow my updated formula and in 3 months be making $27 264 a month with just 10 minutes work per week, guaranteed.”
Me: Really? Do you accept paypal?
Tags: gurus, internet guru, internet guru's, internet marketers
Posted in Life Of An Internet Marketer |
